I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
