Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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