Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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