Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
