So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
