just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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