Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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