Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
