i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
