planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sarcasm needs its own font
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
