I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
