And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
