My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
