no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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