im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
