my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't put those talents on a resume
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
