the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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