I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
