im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
