Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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