mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
