So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
