Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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