I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
