I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
