I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
