I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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