[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
