what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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