Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
