Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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