he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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