I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
