it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
