Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
