Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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