we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
