He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
