when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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