Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
