A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
