She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just found puke in my bra..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
