I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
