Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
