the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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