is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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