she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
