Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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