U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
