Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's shark week go big or go home
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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