apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
