imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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