do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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