If i come over, it means nothing
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
